I think I know...

I have to let it go, or maybe I already have.

Medicine is out the window, fly little bird, I set you free...

I have to be rational and not emotional about my choices in life and sometimes I think life happens to you instead of you happening to life, if that makes any sense? Sometimes you can choose, sometimes, life chooses for you...

I think life choose for me, I am set, I can't stop working, it's madness. I don't want to miss my children growing up, I want to be there for them more than anything else. The rest comes second.

I am happy where I am now, I am working towards a point in my career, not THE career of first choice, but something I CAN do. Something I am capable of finishing without to many hassles and uprooting everyone around me.

This is best...

And thus, I end the chapter in my life where I try to live in the "what could have been" I am living in "what is happening now"

Will I ever let go?

The Medicine thing? Honestly, pregnant with baby no.2, due in November, am I insane to even still dream about it? Where in the hell must I fit it in? I can't, yet I keep dreaming, longing.

Why now? Why when my life has settled, when I have made my choices (albeit not the ones I initially thought I would) when I am finally settled back in a full day job, a salary I am happy with, why when it's virtually impossible, do I still yearn for this?

I am at the point of filling in (actually, already did) and sending out another application, this time to WITS, as TUKS can kiss my ass!

But, I don't get the "thing" that's driving me, seeing that so many people says it's such a tough life, bla bla bla, why do I want to keep running that way?

I don't get it, I know I am the one that has to let go, but how? Because somehow, I can't, if I do, it feels like I have given up...

Our "maybe" new home

Rand Merchant Bank, kindly offered us the 100% bond amount we require for the purchase of the property. This excludes the transfer costs and renovations though, which is a BIG bummer.

But, I'd like to post some pics of our new, "maybe" home

Waiting...

TUKS deserve a royal "up yours" I think.

No, I didn't get in, not for any of the 3 courses I applied for. Bloody Buggers...

Still waiting for Medunsa, I really really hope...

...

Strike 1

BSc: Medical Sciences (APS-GR12=37.00) APPLICATION WAS UNSUCCESSFUL

Waiting patiently to hear about the MBChB...

Asswipes!

I am hoping to increase my chances this way...

So, any change in enrolled subjects opened this week for the coming semester and end of year exams. You can change, add or drop modules for the last chance this year.

So now, instead of the original 8 registered subjects I had for the coming end of year exams, I have cancelled a total of 3, I now only have 5 left. (3 carried over from last year and 2 new ones) It's a 50/50 chance I am possibly taking here, but I have to do what I need to give myself the best possible chance.

Either I now increase my chances of passing all 5, instead of maybe passing 5 and failing the rest (as the agreement is that I need to pass ALL of them) OR I just cancelled subjects I will need to REDO next year (do I not get into Med-School and have to carry on with the QS degree) because either way, I won't stop studying. And I won't stop trying either...

5, only 5, I can do this!!!

Spanner in the wheel...

So, turns out I do not have to write the placement tests, seeing that I already wrote them in my matric year, I never knew what the results were, but I didn't get selected then. Once written, it's over, you don't get seconds.

For me, selection will take place the following way:
Matriculants before 2008 have to have at least a D symbol in both Maths and Physical Science on Higer Grade - DONE
I have to have passed atleast 8 x semester subjects OR 4 x year subjects in the first year of study at any tertiary institution, in any degree. - DONE

THEN the spanner - I have to submit a proof of my full academic record in January 2011, stating that I passed ALL the registered subjects in the year of application - FARK!!!

Provisional selection - September 2010 (based on application and academic records submitted)
Final selection - January 2011 - based on exam results of OCT/NOV 2010...

I knew writing these tests would have been tough, but I was kind of prepared for it. Now EVERYTHING is based on the coming exams and I am already stressing, there are some tough subjects and phew, this means (not as if it wasn't before) but, now really, THE BALL IS ALL IN MY COURT. It's make or break, I have to study my a$$ off for something I am not going to even do for the rest of my life, to be able to do something I always wanted. WEIRD twist on life...

Let the studying begin, seeing as I kind of mentally started shutting down towards the Quantity Surveying, now I have to FOCUS!!!

Here's to straight A's or atleast straight passes!