Oh the drama...

So almost 3 years down the line and here I am with a new post about the happenings in my life.

Person X (and mini X), aged 43, going on 14 and soon to turn 16, and the childish rantings and behind the back venting sessions (that eventually reach my ears) and the fact that our entire relationship at this stage, it seems, are based on Facebook likes. (Please note, this is family...) So over it, grow a vagina or at least then upgrade the one you have, as it is clearly not tough enough... If you are insecure about something, sort yourself out please. I don't have time for this shit.

Still studying, fok, when will it end?? Year 6, maybe 2-3 left.

We moved into the Garsfontein house on 28 February 2011 and we LOVE the place. (I found out I was pregnant on the 4th of March, unpacking boxes and celebrating a 5 year anniversary between dust and boxes...)

Marilé (oh yes, she was born 09 November 2011) had another croup attack last night at around 2am, adrenaline did the trick, my heart breaks for that poor child and her battle to breath... Dear winter, please be good to us, so her tonsils can be chopped as soon as she turns 3...

Joshua turned 5 on the 23rd of this month, where the hell did the time go? He is such a darling little boy (but, also, 5 going on 15 some days) At least I have enough wine for that, tonight will be another one of those nights...

We have to enroll him in Primary school on 7 April (for Gr.R) I can't believe the time is here, emotions running high on this one... My baby boy...

8 year wedding anniversary just passed (4 March), what, 8??!!! Love my husband so much!!! We had a lovely Valentines/Anniversary weekend in Cape Town mid Feb, oh it was amazing!

Have to start working on university tasks pretty soon, so taking a lazy day and then it's back to work.

More rantings another day.

I think I know...

I have to let it go, or maybe I already have.

Medicine is out the window, fly little bird, I set you free...

I have to be rational and not emotional about my choices in life and sometimes I think life happens to you instead of you happening to life, if that makes any sense? Sometimes you can choose, sometimes, life chooses for you...

I think life choose for me, I am set, I can't stop working, it's madness. I don't want to miss my children growing up, I want to be there for them more than anything else. The rest comes second.

I am happy where I am now, I am working towards a point in my career, not THE career of first choice, but something I CAN do. Something I am capable of finishing without to many hassles and uprooting everyone around me.

This is best...

And thus, I end the chapter in my life where I try to live in the "what could have been" I am living in "what is happening now"

Will I ever let go?

The Medicine thing? Honestly, pregnant with baby no.2, due in November, am I insane to even still dream about it? Where in the hell must I fit it in? I can't, yet I keep dreaming, longing.

Why now? Why when my life has settled, when I have made my choices (albeit not the ones I initially thought I would) when I am finally settled back in a full day job, a salary I am happy with, why when it's virtually impossible, do I still yearn for this?

I am at the point of filling in (actually, already did) and sending out another application, this time to WITS, as TUKS can kiss my ass!

But, I don't get the "thing" that's driving me, seeing that so many people says it's such a tough life, bla bla bla, why do I want to keep running that way?

I don't get it, I know I am the one that has to let go, but how? Because somehow, I can't, if I do, it feels like I have given up...

Our "maybe" new home

Rand Merchant Bank, kindly offered us the 100% bond amount we require for the purchase of the property. This excludes the transfer costs and renovations though, which is a BIG bummer.

But, I'd like to post some pics of our new, "maybe" home

Waiting...

TUKS deserve a royal "up yours" I think.

No, I didn't get in, not for any of the 3 courses I applied for. Bloody Buggers...

Still waiting for Medunsa, I really really hope...

...

Strike 1

BSc: Medical Sciences (APS-GR12=37.00) APPLICATION WAS UNSUCCESSFUL

Waiting patiently to hear about the MBChB...

Asswipes!

I am hoping to increase my chances this way...

So, any change in enrolled subjects opened this week for the coming semester and end of year exams. You can change, add or drop modules for the last chance this year.

So now, instead of the original 8 registered subjects I had for the coming end of year exams, I have cancelled a total of 3, I now only have 5 left. (3 carried over from last year and 2 new ones) It's a 50/50 chance I am possibly taking here, but I have to do what I need to give myself the best possible chance.

Either I now increase my chances of passing all 5, instead of maybe passing 5 and failing the rest (as the agreement is that I need to pass ALL of them) OR I just cancelled subjects I will need to REDO next year (do I not get into Med-School and have to carry on with the QS degree) because either way, I won't stop studying. And I won't stop trying either...

5, only 5, I can do this!!!