Will I ever let go?

The Medicine thing? Honestly, pregnant with baby no.2, due in November, am I insane to even still dream about it? Where in the hell must I fit it in? I can't, yet I keep dreaming, longing.

Why now? Why when my life has settled, when I have made my choices (albeit not the ones I initially thought I would) when I am finally settled back in a full day job, a salary I am happy with, why when it's virtually impossible, do I still yearn for this?

I am at the point of filling in (actually, already did) and sending out another application, this time to WITS, as TUKS can kiss my ass!

But, I don't get the "thing" that's driving me, seeing that so many people says it's such a tough life, bla bla bla, why do I want to keep running that way?

I don't get it, I know I am the one that has to let go, but how? Because somehow, I can't, if I do, it feels like I have given up...