Stressed...

Sooooooooooo. What was I thinking? Well, I wasn't, maybe... I am enrolled for a 5 year degree, this is currently my first year, I knew it would be tough, it has been somewhat this far, with Josh, having to finish tasks throughout the year and so forth, workshops in Midrand (of which I attended one) and then exams.... OH EXAMS, that is what I dread at the moment. I am starting to write next week wednesday, now I am not so much worried about Engineering, Architecture, Building Economics or Property Development, what gets me is this: Calculus, Physics (WTF!) and my one and only actual practical subject (descriptive quantifying) this one only because it is a hell of a lot of work, not so difficult, but just heaps and heaps to study through... And to top it, it's like the MAIN subject of them all, this is the jist of the entire course, fail this and you basically fail the year...

I have the munchies, like you can't believe (hubby pointed out that it is the stress) something which I never thought I've had, but seems it bites you in the butt when you least expect it. And also I think AF (a weird AF by the way, not so much on 28 days) is contributing to it. I haven't touched a book yet, I have all the perfect intentions of doing so immediately... And then I think of writing on my blog or playing with Josh, or at the same time that my exams are underway enrol and pay for a Moms & Babes course, starting a day before my first exam. STUPID! Now I HAVE to go, 2 hours every tuesday. I am looking forward to it, don't get me wrong, but maybe I just needed some sense when I booked...

Well, let's get this show on the road, knowledge won't come crawling into my head by accident I suppose. I have always been one for last-minute-adrenaline-rush-studying, I just think this time I am pushing my own limits...

Anti-depressants??? WTF!

Let's update work first: Ok, first 2 days come and gone... Was good, we are actually busy moving office, so I came back to a HEAP of boxes, dust, piles of rubbish etc. So not really "working" merely packing at this stage. (I really really really hoped they would actually have been done with this and I would just walk into the brand spanking new offices, but no luck there)

Anyway, the day is over fast, just when you think "what time is it?" then it's home time, I love it. Although I miss my boy, I know school is good, I also need some outside stimulation and we enjoy the afternoons together again, I pick him up at 13:00 unless I do some shopping first... Haven't yet, but will sometime.

So back to the anti-depressants. Gynae gave me Eglynol for milk stimulation seeing that Josh is only breastfed in the mornings when he wakes up and I really want to express bottles for him for school, but the supply took a knock... So he gave me that. 2 x 3 per day... Good, I popped them, milk came, I am happy... He said when the supply picks up, then I can decrease to 1 x 3 per day or 2 x 2 per day or whatever works for me, it is flexible and I can adjust as I feel needed, more or less... So I am now on 1 x 2 per day... Now, I didn't even read the insert or anything, but last weekend when I went to my grandpa's practice just for a scan to see if the cyst is still there we started talking about the Eglynol. And only then did I find out it's an anti-depressant! Oh my heck, I was shocked. I am fine with drinking it, but NO WONDER I was all floopy and happy and nothing can phase me... I actually had a good laugh about this. Apparently (and I am sure you knew P) one of the side-effects is the stimulation of milk... Oh and the insert CLEARLY says, not to use while pregnant or lactating... Ummmmm, ya.

That just was the funniest thing ever... I still chuckle about it... Me and my anti-depressant-milk-producers.... Ha ha ha!

PS. I send him to school with a 200-250ml bottle of breastmilk to be taken first after his porridge (upon arrival) and then he gets 2 x 200ml formula bottles, but he doesn't finish both for the day. So all in all he is on more breastmilk still during the day than formula and then LOADS of solids, this child of mine LOVES eating. We also had our first taste of avo yesterday, will try again today...

PPS. For the first time since the birth, I am back to a 28-day cycle, YIPPIE!

Last day...

Last day of walking bare foot, of making the bed only at 3pm, of sitting and watching TV in my pj's till late, of sleeping when I feel the urge, of wearing minimal or even no make-up, of not even brushing my hair, just tying it up, of lying in the bath for an hour, washing the dishes just before hubby comes home, sitting and chilling and doing as little as possible. The last day...

Tomorrow it's back to work, although I feel I am ready, I am going to miss this lazy assed side of myself, but I know it's time to face the world again and to pretty myself up and going back. It's time...

Monday we start swimming classes for Joshua, so I am off to the shops to go and find a respectable bathing suit for myself (no bikini of mine will fit these DD's anymore and no stretchmark will want to show themselves anyway) some swimmers nappies to avoid any spills and a bathing suit for Josh, how cute it that tooshy going to look in the water???

Daddy will do the Saturday classes and I will do the Monday classes, can't wait!

This is what Ant invasion looks like...

And the best part is, they just come and DIE in our house, comes out of their holes, hits the floor and DIES, lies in heaps in our house...

Bathroom, coming out in the corner and DYING!

Coming out under the brim of the bath and falling on the floor, DYING!

Our room, corner, next to hubby's side of the bed

Next to my side of the bed

At the curtains

A cyst, a surprise and some ants....

Okay, well, where to start. Haven't updated in a bit, much happening in the last week or so. Got sick on Saturday morning at 1am, vomited every 3 hours thereafter, was so weak I could hardly hold Josh, luckily hubby was at a men's retreat and I spent the weekend at my folks, so mommy dearest was on call whenever me or Josh needed her... Love you mom!

The pain I talked about last time, well, it turned out to be a cyst, a 5cm cyst on my right ovary. This was the first time ever I had one, so I didn't know that could possibly be what it was, but now I know, no mistaking that pain... Went to the gynae on Monday morning and there it was, all round and fat and filled with fluid.... Mmmmmmm, gave me some pain killers from heaven and whilst at it some medication to keep my milk supply up (haven't felt engorgement in such a long time, forgot what that feels like, until 2 days into drinking the pills, yohzar, hit me hard... But atleast I know the milk is flowing again...) The pain is gone, and had a random scan this morning at my gramps practice, looks like it shrunk a lot, so as the gynae said, sometimes they come fast and they go fast, this seems to be the case. Hallelujah!

Monday morning hubby came home early, after I was locked inside the house, my house keys was in the car and I couldn't get there, so Josh didn't go to school, I couldn't go anywhere and I was a bit frustrated. He came home anyways, told me he never went to work, only went to gym, fetched the trailor thereafter, he is on leave and we are going on holiday for the week, WoW!!!... I didn't know where until we reached the place, I just had to pack quickly and then we had to go (after the gynae appointment that is) Turned out, we went to Crystal Springs Mountain Lodge near Pilgrim's Rest. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE! So peaceful, so relaxing, just what we needed. The 3 of us, our first little holiday... We spend the days lying around, I went to the sauna, hubby went to the gym. We checked out God's window (more like God's mist) "3 rondawels" and had nice lunches all over the show. A week is too short, I must admit, but it was heaven to get away and just relax. Love you hubby!

Then the frustration hit again upon returning home after 5 days and seeing the ants moved in all over the show again. (I haven't loaded the photos from the camera on the PC yet, but I will show the pics - I actually took pics - tomorrow or so, so you can see I am not just making it up, it is really bad!)

In a nutshell, that is it, the last few days' update, quick and painless. Missed my OPM girls, missed all the blogs, loads of catching up to do...

PS. Sucker bit me again, I am now subscribed to the BEST FOOD FAST magazines that comes fortnightly, but we made some yummy Thai Chicken Curry this afternoon and it was YUM!

Random

So, my baby is sick, have been up since 2am this morning with him vomiting pure slimy yellow bile, shame, his stomach is so empty and you can feel how much effort it is for him to get that stuff out, it smells and he is just so weak... But it's looking better, as updated on OPM, it is gastro, but it's under control at the moment, it's more the top than the bottom. Paed booked a bed however for tonight should things turn, then atleast we know we can just go to the ward and we don't have to worry. I do believe it won't go that far as he had now managed to drink a total of 375ml rehidrat (250 of which he kept down) and 125ml of rooibos tea, also kept it down so far, only had 6 episodes of vomiting so far since 2am, so it slowed down... He is sleeping mostly and not as weak now as he was this morning, he couldn't even open his eyes, and wasn't even crying, seemed like too much effort, only whimpering. He was feeling cold but sweating and then the vomit would start, so it was a bit confusing... 3am we went to the emergency room and there they just made sure he wasn't dehydrated, and gave him some meds... So now all seems okay for the moment.

Me, I am good, have this weirdest pain in my lower back, more to the side, last week it was on the left now it's on the right. When I was sick it seemed I had a slight bladder infection and had antibiotics for everything, surely it can't be back? I have no other pain or burning, just the very uncomfy feeling. Also, it feels like it's "pulling" like ligaments, ya, so much so that I POAS yesterday just to make sure. Seeing that I forgot about the antibiotics and the pill (hadn't been on it in such a long time and only remembered like yesterday, shit, but that combination doesn't work?) Also, since breastfeeding and being on PURE EVIL microval I had gotten used to a regular (normal) 2 weekly cycle, for which I am still late at this stage, so I am waiting it out. I don't know if with the less breastfeeding (only once a day now) seeing that Josh doesn't want mommy's boobies anymore during the day (which by the way made me feel majorly rejected) or if FINALLY the pill has just settled into an actual normal 28day cycle like I always had. So I am waiting... Honestly, a few weeks back if this hit me I would have been like, YES!! Now, I am still broody, but I just know it's not the right time. Not yet... But whatever happens will happen...

This morning seeing that Josh has no appetite and I am paranoid that the limited amount of breastfeeding I have left per day will dry up if I don't use it wisely, I expressed again for the first real time in ages... Just to keep the supply going. I was busy, it was sucking, Josh was moaning and I unplugged the pump still attached to my breast, still in full vacuum mode and went to check on him, not releasing the valve or whatever, so it was sucking and sucking and sucking like a hikey and eventually I ended up with bloody nipples all around... Lekker, this day is AWESOME!

The ants are attacking us inch by inch again, probably going to carry us out of our house alive by next week. We are seriously having a problem here, they are everywhere, in the house, in the skirtings, in the bathroom, in our room, under the floors, in the bath, under the bath, in the walls, in our cupboards, in the ceiling (I promise you), in the LAUNDRY basket.... I hate the Fuckers...

I am a bit moody, sorry, maybe I am just getting tired now, this day has just taken a lot out of me without actually realising it....

Chat again soon...

It's done.

My baby is at school, I cried, he smiled, daddy hugged... But now we are all good. Went for some (I think much deserved) alone time - just had breakfast, but it was good.

Josh was all smiley and didn't mind going to the ladies, they are all so sweet though. I know he will be super happy there. The lady just phoned and said he is doing wonderful, he has been playing the entire morning and now went for a nap after his bottle. So he is not fussy or grumpy or anything...

That's better, than having a crying baby, cause I don't think I would have been able to turn away had he been crying.

I was perfectly fine up to the moment I had to say goodbye and turn my back and leave, I wondered when the emotions would hit and then it hit. Cry baby... But now, I am good, actually enjoying a little time at home (although I had been sniffling through his things and gathering some more "homey" toys and such to take with when I pick him up, that he can leave there) it is all good.

Tomorrow I know it will be easier... And by the time I go back to work that will be the only thing that sucks donkey balls, as this will be water under the bridge already...

I also got info on enrolling him in swim school starting 5 Oct, when he will be just over 6 months and the next term for swimming starts, mommy must be in the pool too, this is going to be fun!

(Family pic before leaving this morning, note the 34DD's in that push-up bra... love it... lol)