I think I know...

I have to let it go, or maybe I already have.

Medicine is out the window, fly little bird, I set you free...

I have to be rational and not emotional about my choices in life and sometimes I think life happens to you instead of you happening to life, if that makes any sense? Sometimes you can choose, sometimes, life chooses for you...

I think life choose for me, I am set, I can't stop working, it's madness. I don't want to miss my children growing up, I want to be there for them more than anything else. The rest comes second.

I am happy where I am now, I am working towards a point in my career, not THE career of first choice, but something I CAN do. Something I am capable of finishing without to many hassles and uprooting everyone around me.

This is best...

And thus, I end the chapter in my life where I try to live in the "what could have been" I am living in "what is happening now"

Will I ever let go?

The Medicine thing? Honestly, pregnant with baby no.2, due in November, am I insane to even still dream about it? Where in the hell must I fit it in? I can't, yet I keep dreaming, longing.

Why now? Why when my life has settled, when I have made my choices (albeit not the ones I initially thought I would) when I am finally settled back in a full day job, a salary I am happy with, why when it's virtually impossible, do I still yearn for this?

I am at the point of filling in (actually, already did) and sending out another application, this time to WITS, as TUKS can kiss my ass!

But, I don't get the "thing" that's driving me, seeing that so many people says it's such a tough life, bla bla bla, why do I want to keep running that way?

I don't get it, I know I am the one that has to let go, but how? Because somehow, I can't, if I do, it feels like I have given up...

Our "maybe" new home

Rand Merchant Bank, kindly offered us the 100% bond amount we require for the purchase of the property. This excludes the transfer costs and renovations though, which is a BIG bummer.

But, I'd like to post some pics of our new, "maybe" home