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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Ticker
Today is one of those weird days where I miss my pregnancy ticker. How random and how weird is that? If I look at all the ladies with their little beans growing month-to-month on the ticker I so terribly miss mine. Maybe it's more the feelings associated with that period of time in my life that I miss. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having Josh (don't think I don't love my child or something) I love him to bits and it's so much better to have him here in person than wondering and waiting... But I miss my ticker. I miss my pregnancy, I wish I could have both, right now, but just the feeling, if that makes sense. I LOVED it, I loved everything about it, every moment. I can't wait for the next one... Just not right now, I have gained some brain cells and some sense back since the pregnancy.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Rejection
So.... I feel major rejection at the moment, I was in tears this morning and still not feeling too well about it... Since the op, and obviously with the night in hospital daddy had to give Josh a bottle for his morning feed (breastmilk) and he did for 2 days after (I tried lying down and breastfeeding, but Josh would kick me in the stomach), seeing that Josh only drinks from the breast in the morning there was no other time for me to breastfeed him again. So up to now I expressed and he got his milk in bottles. I only started trying again since the weekend, he would take here and there, but for the last 2 mornings in a row he would wake for his feed, I would try, he would scream, he would just-just want to latch and then let go. So in the end I have to give him a bottle otherwise he keeps crying... And then to top it off he drinks a mere 70ml before falling asleep again. Now for breastfeeding it was almost worth it to get up as I didn't know how much he drank and I could convince myself it was more that a pityful 70ml.
I feel so rejected, really. So for now, it's only about expressing, I always said I want to keep that up for a year, so let's see. I will keep trying, hopefully he will take again soon, I don't think my heart can take another morning like this.
I feel so rejected, really. So for now, it's only about expressing, I always said I want to keep that up for a year, so let's see. I will keep trying, hopefully he will take again soon, I don't think my heart can take another morning like this.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The worst week EVER!!!
Forget about the appendix deciding that I didn't make a happy home for him anymore, forget about the fact that I was supposed to write exams and was stressing about the studying, (which didn't happen in the end - with the op and all) and forget about the pain afterwards. Think, sick baby, as in SUPER sick...
Josh took a MAJOR turn for a cold on thursday, he had this little cough wednesday, nothing serious and nothing prospan couldn't fix, or so I thought. Daddy fetched him from creche on Thursday afternoon with a snotty nose, a horrible cough and he was warm to the touch (although he never went over 37.1, but he was still VERY VERY hot, sweaty, red, hot) they said he didn't want to drink much, he ate like a champ, but the drinking was almost non existent. Although it took some effort to first get him to eat, but as soon as he was going he would gulp everything down. Thank goodness for that atleast. So we decided we will keep him home on Friday, seeing that I am home, and we don't want him to make the other babies sick... Oh my lord, what a night! We maybe slept 1 hour in total... He would cough so much that it would start to hurt, you could see the real intensity of the cough, almost from his stomach. He would cry more, as it was sore and then there would be too much phlegm, which would make him puke. "Lather, rinse, repeat" every 30 minutes or so... He would sleep, sweaty, not covered, warm, only in his vest, real intense and deep breathing and you could just see this little body is really not on. (Now between all of this daddy had to take him out of the cot for me and put him back, etc, I tried, but it was so deep and I was still a bit eina)
Took him to the paed on Friday morning, apparently he has a cold, and a VERY serious case of thrush, but in the back of his throat, that's why I couldn't see it. WTF! And that is what is making it so sore at the moment. (Creche, damn you! She said it's probably the way they sterilise the spoons and bowls, Milton more specific, I use a steam steriliser, which is perfect according to her) So off we went to get some meds for him. By now the couching and crying has been so rough on his little vocal cords that he is hoarse, sometimes you can't even hear him cry as there is just no sound! That had my heart in pieces, he tried so hard to make a sound, to cry, you can't hear him... So much going on man...
Friday night was the same, not much sleep for us, which means not much studying either. Cry, cough, puke, snot, phlegm, you name it... Saturday was better at times, the night was better, as he slept for the first time for longer than 1 hour at a time, without coughing himself awake and then crying for the next 15 minutes. He was so tired by the weekend, cause he himself hardly slept. He woke twice during saturday night, so that was better... Still all slimy and all, but better. Sunday and yesterday so far was the same, sleep from 7pm till about 24h00, without a sound or a cough and then it starts, coughing and coughing and coughing, you can hear the slime and the snot is there and he is trying so hard to get it out, but it doesn't want to budge. Eventually at around 4am he will drink something, puke up the milk and slime, drink the rest and then go to sleep till around 7. He is now sleeping again. Inbetween he gets bits and pieces of playful times, smiling, chatting, rolling on the floor. But most of the time he is sleeping. He is still snotty and very phlegmy... I kind of feel we have reached the peak and it will now just go downhill, let's hope so.
Oh and to top it all off, STUPID mommy licks the spoons and syringes after I give him his meds (Just automatically happens) so...... I got sick too! All coughy and phlegmy at the moment... NICE!
This past week = MAJOR chaos...
Josh took a MAJOR turn for a cold on thursday, he had this little cough wednesday, nothing serious and nothing prospan couldn't fix, or so I thought. Daddy fetched him from creche on Thursday afternoon with a snotty nose, a horrible cough and he was warm to the touch (although he never went over 37.1, but he was still VERY VERY hot, sweaty, red, hot) they said he didn't want to drink much, he ate like a champ, but the drinking was almost non existent. Although it took some effort to first get him to eat, but as soon as he was going he would gulp everything down. Thank goodness for that atleast. So we decided we will keep him home on Friday, seeing that I am home, and we don't want him to make the other babies sick... Oh my lord, what a night! We maybe slept 1 hour in total... He would cough so much that it would start to hurt, you could see the real intensity of the cough, almost from his stomach. He would cry more, as it was sore and then there would be too much phlegm, which would make him puke. "Lather, rinse, repeat" every 30 minutes or so... He would sleep, sweaty, not covered, warm, only in his vest, real intense and deep breathing and you could just see this little body is really not on. (Now between all of this daddy had to take him out of the cot for me and put him back, etc, I tried, but it was so deep and I was still a bit eina)
Took him to the paed on Friday morning, apparently he has a cold, and a VERY serious case of thrush, but in the back of his throat, that's why I couldn't see it. WTF! And that is what is making it so sore at the moment. (Creche, damn you! She said it's probably the way they sterilise the spoons and bowls, Milton more specific, I use a steam steriliser, which is perfect according to her) So off we went to get some meds for him. By now the couching and crying has been so rough on his little vocal cords that he is hoarse, sometimes you can't even hear him cry as there is just no sound! That had my heart in pieces, he tried so hard to make a sound, to cry, you can't hear him... So much going on man...
Friday night was the same, not much sleep for us, which means not much studying either. Cry, cough, puke, snot, phlegm, you name it... Saturday was better at times, the night was better, as he slept for the first time for longer than 1 hour at a time, without coughing himself awake and then crying for the next 15 minutes. He was so tired by the weekend, cause he himself hardly slept. He woke twice during saturday night, so that was better... Still all slimy and all, but better. Sunday and yesterday so far was the same, sleep from 7pm till about 24h00, without a sound or a cough and then it starts, coughing and coughing and coughing, you can hear the slime and the snot is there and he is trying so hard to get it out, but it doesn't want to budge. Eventually at around 4am he will drink something, puke up the milk and slime, drink the rest and then go to sleep till around 7. He is now sleeping again. Inbetween he gets bits and pieces of playful times, smiling, chatting, rolling on the floor. But most of the time he is sleeping. He is still snotty and very phlegmy... I kind of feel we have reached the peak and it will now just go downhill, let's hope so.
Oh and to top it all off, STUPID mommy licks the spoons and syringes after I give him his meds (Just automatically happens) so...... I got sick too! All coughy and phlegmy at the moment... NICE!
This past week = MAJOR chaos...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Appendix...
So, what happened to me? Well, I woke up tuesday morning at 1am with Josh moaning over the monitor for a dummy and realised I had a very crampy stomach, high up, just under my ribs, thought, okay, maybe the mince we had wasn't so lekker, but then again, my stomach didn't feel like it was "off", so I went back to bed. I woke again at 4am, this time it was very sore, Josh was again awake for his feed (where he got this new routine from I don't know) and when I got out of bed it hit me, I could hardly walk. The pain had dropped from high up to my right side, shooting pains down my leg and it also felt like my ribs were bruised. I walked half bent over to Joshua's room and fed him, after I was done with him I got some pain meds and went back to bed... Told hubby something wasn't lekker so I said I will make an appointment with gynae that morning as I thought it was a new cyst or one that possibly torsioned. (sp)
Anyway, got myself ready the morning, washed hair, showered, polished and shaved EVERYTHING, scrubbed my heels, painted my toes, rubbed my lotions and potions, did my make-up, all just incase gynae said I must come immediately after dropping Josh at school, so I wanted to be ready. (I just HAVE to be in tip top shape when I go to docs, especially the gynae, I am very fussy about these things, cause you just NEVER know what will happen and where they will look, so...) Gynae felt around, checked, as Nix called it, with his Dildo cam, and there was no cyst... But then he said he thinks it's my appendix, he will quickly get me referred to a surgeon to have a looksy... got my refferal, went 2 floors up and saw the surgeon. He took one look at the way I walked, felt here and there, squeezed a few places and said, yip, appendix... Sent me for some bloods just to check the infection levels, he will phone me with the result, but in the meantime I can go to reception to book my bed, open a file and what not's cause he is 99% certain it will be removed that very same night. What a shocker, I was supposed to be studying that day, not go in for surgery... Went to reception with my codes and refferals, then I remembered, shit, we switched medical aids just after Joshua's birth, from Discovery (just too damn expensive) to Momentum, but the option my dear dear hubby choose only covers LIFE hospitals and not NETCARE, so I couldn't go to PTA-East hosp (which I love and is soooooo close). Luckily the surgeon said he can do the op at a LIFE hosp, so off to Faerie Glen hosp it was, lucky still relatively close, so no issue... (BUT I told hubby as soon as this is over we are changing our option plan to include for ANY hospital, not just associated hospitals)
Waited and waited for the blood results, as that was the deciding factor, eventually doc phoned, infection levels were high, so appendix will be no more at 18:30 that evening. I quickly packed all my things, got Josh and Daddy organised for the next day of school, all his bottles washed, breastmilk defrosted, formula measured, if he drinks more than I bargained for, water poured, breastpump and containers sterilised for me in hosp, clothes set out for the next day and packed for school, shoes, nappies, bibs, the works... All bottles in fridge, marked, packed in line, in order of use, etc. So I REALLY made the job easy for him... Breastmilk et out for bed time feed, and 5am feed. Pj's set out, with nappy, in bathroom, all towels and things set out, he just had to bring Josh home, bath him, dress him, feed him and drop at school... Easy... (Josh was a bit random that day, think he could also feel things weren't as it should be, daddy picked him up from school that afternoon and he woke from his last nap at around 13:15 and until they left the hosp at about 8pm he never slept again, so he was a bit fussy, but okay.) Luckily they survived and he is one happy chappy now. (There is something up with him though, but we'll leave that for another post)
So..... got to hosp at 16:00, had to check in at 16:30, but seeing that I still had to fill out a file we went a bit earlier. Hosp is so quiet in relation to PTA-East, but still they took their time. Eventually sent us up to the ward to be settled in my room while they finish the admin. Filled out some forms, got my tags, dressed in the FUGLY gown and disposable underwear (YUK) and then I waited. Doc was running a teeny bit late, so we waited. Was wheeled to theatre at around 18:45, waited around there till about 19:00 and then doc came, got my drip (ouch) was moved over to the operating table, gave me the sleepy sleeps and there I was, exposed for the world, about to loose my appendix. Apparently the op lasted 50mins (a bit long??) and the appendix was all yucky, woke up in recovery, was very "whooooosy" wheeled back to the ward where hubs, Josh, my mom, dad, bro and girlfriend, and my sister were waiting. Shame, they only stayed like 10 minutes as I was so out of it and apparently just wanted more morphine (even though the nurse kept telling me that the doc JUST gave me a shot, so it will work soon) but it was bloody sore at that instant... so everyone just chuckled at me... I was in an out of sleep till about 23:30 when I woke up and felt "awake" for the first time, then realised I was still dressed in the gown, which was still open and when I checked the disposable panties wasn't even pulled up, was just around my ankles. So I beeped a nurse to help me into my pj's as I was also VERY cold and shivering. Got dressed, went to the loo, got some ice to suck on as I still couldn't drink anything and went back to sleep. Woke a few times during the night as the nurse came now and then just to check and adjust the drip. At 2:20am I woke from the hospital staff laughing, chatting, throwing things in bins, and I couldn't sleep, got up to close my door as they kept forgetting to do that when they left my room and when the head nurse came in again I told her they are a bit load so she shushed them and I slept till 5am. They woke me with a little mobile basin with water to wash myself and came to change the bedding. Got some morphine for the third time as the pain was bad. (I really am an instant pain kind of girl, how weird that may sound, this long term thing doesn't work for me... Natural birth was way easier...)
Got freshened up, read my book, waited for hubby and the doc who came to see me at about 7am, told me everything looks good, all felt okay, I can eat and if I don't get nauseous I can go home. Yippie! Got some meds to take home, got my breakfast, I was sooo hungry by then, and ate. Felt good, nothing weird happened, so they starting with the discharge papers. Hubby came to wait with me till I could go and I was discharged at 10am. Slept a bit and started to get my things ready to study... Still waiting to see how that goes. I am very drowsy from the meds, but hopefully I can focus.
Other than that, I am on day 2 since the op, still sore, every cough and fart and sneeze is a mission, but I am okay. What a week this turned out to be... Lucky I was on study leave when all this hit, so it all worked out well...
PS. I just keep wondering, eventhough I had the cyst, I was very nauseous then (actually threw up) and had the same symptoms as now, and about 2 weeks before that I was told to have a bladder infection, with the same symptoms (I am rarely ever affected by bladder infections, something I can count on one hand, is how little I have had that in my life). I do wonder, could this have been lingering since then and only now the appendix decided, listen, you are not hearing me clearly, so now I will show you that I want to get out...?? P??? Possible??? I was also nauseous over the weekend, so I think this has been something brewing for a while and just now got to the point where it said, no more, out I come!
Anyway, got myself ready the morning, washed hair, showered, polished and shaved EVERYTHING, scrubbed my heels, painted my toes, rubbed my lotions and potions, did my make-up, all just incase gynae said I must come immediately after dropping Josh at school, so I wanted to be ready. (I just HAVE to be in tip top shape when I go to docs, especially the gynae, I am very fussy about these things, cause you just NEVER know what will happen and where they will look, so...) Gynae felt around, checked, as Nix called it, with his Dildo cam, and there was no cyst... But then he said he thinks it's my appendix, he will quickly get me referred to a surgeon to have a looksy... got my refferal, went 2 floors up and saw the surgeon. He took one look at the way I walked, felt here and there, squeezed a few places and said, yip, appendix... Sent me for some bloods just to check the infection levels, he will phone me with the result, but in the meantime I can go to reception to book my bed, open a file and what not's cause he is 99% certain it will be removed that very same night. What a shocker, I was supposed to be studying that day, not go in for surgery... Went to reception with my codes and refferals, then I remembered, shit, we switched medical aids just after Joshua's birth, from Discovery (just too damn expensive) to Momentum, but the option my dear dear hubby choose only covers LIFE hospitals and not NETCARE, so I couldn't go to PTA-East hosp (which I love and is soooooo close). Luckily the surgeon said he can do the op at a LIFE hosp, so off to Faerie Glen hosp it was, lucky still relatively close, so no issue... (BUT I told hubby as soon as this is over we are changing our option plan to include for ANY hospital, not just associated hospitals)
Waited and waited for the blood results, as that was the deciding factor, eventually doc phoned, infection levels were high, so appendix will be no more at 18:30 that evening. I quickly packed all my things, got Josh and Daddy organised for the next day of school, all his bottles washed, breastmilk defrosted, formula measured, if he drinks more than I bargained for, water poured, breastpump and containers sterilised for me in hosp, clothes set out for the next day and packed for school, shoes, nappies, bibs, the works... All bottles in fridge, marked, packed in line, in order of use, etc. So I REALLY made the job easy for him... Breastmilk et out for bed time feed, and 5am feed. Pj's set out, with nappy, in bathroom, all towels and things set out, he just had to bring Josh home, bath him, dress him, feed him and drop at school... Easy... (Josh was a bit random that day, think he could also feel things weren't as it should be, daddy picked him up from school that afternoon and he woke from his last nap at around 13:15 and until they left the hosp at about 8pm he never slept again, so he was a bit fussy, but okay.) Luckily they survived and he is one happy chappy now. (There is something up with him though, but we'll leave that for another post)
So..... got to hosp at 16:00, had to check in at 16:30, but seeing that I still had to fill out a file we went a bit earlier. Hosp is so quiet in relation to PTA-East, but still they took their time. Eventually sent us up to the ward to be settled in my room while they finish the admin. Filled out some forms, got my tags, dressed in the FUGLY gown and disposable underwear (YUK) and then I waited. Doc was running a teeny bit late, so we waited. Was wheeled to theatre at around 18:45, waited around there till about 19:00 and then doc came, got my drip (ouch) was moved over to the operating table, gave me the sleepy sleeps and there I was, exposed for the world, about to loose my appendix. Apparently the op lasted 50mins (a bit long??) and the appendix was all yucky, woke up in recovery, was very "whooooosy" wheeled back to the ward where hubs, Josh, my mom, dad, bro and girlfriend, and my sister were waiting. Shame, they only stayed like 10 minutes as I was so out of it and apparently just wanted more morphine (even though the nurse kept telling me that the doc JUST gave me a shot, so it will work soon) but it was bloody sore at that instant... so everyone just chuckled at me... I was in an out of sleep till about 23:30 when I woke up and felt "awake" for the first time, then realised I was still dressed in the gown, which was still open and when I checked the disposable panties wasn't even pulled up, was just around my ankles. So I beeped a nurse to help me into my pj's as I was also VERY cold and shivering. Got dressed, went to the loo, got some ice to suck on as I still couldn't drink anything and went back to sleep. Woke a few times during the night as the nurse came now and then just to check and adjust the drip. At 2:20am I woke from the hospital staff laughing, chatting, throwing things in bins, and I couldn't sleep, got up to close my door as they kept forgetting to do that when they left my room and when the head nurse came in again I told her they are a bit load so she shushed them and I slept till 5am. They woke me with a little mobile basin with water to wash myself and came to change the bedding. Got some morphine for the third time as the pain was bad. (I really am an instant pain kind of girl, how weird that may sound, this long term thing doesn't work for me... Natural birth was way easier...)
Got freshened up, read my book, waited for hubby and the doc who came to see me at about 7am, told me everything looks good, all felt okay, I can eat and if I don't get nauseous I can go home. Yippie! Got some meds to take home, got my breakfast, I was sooo hungry by then, and ate. Felt good, nothing weird happened, so they starting with the discharge papers. Hubby came to wait with me till I could go and I was discharged at 10am. Slept a bit and started to get my things ready to study... Still waiting to see how that goes. I am very drowsy from the meds, but hopefully I can focus.
Other than that, I am on day 2 since the op, still sore, every cough and fart and sneeze is a mission, but I am okay. What a week this turned out to be... Lucky I was on study leave when all this hit, so it all worked out well...
PS. I just keep wondering, eventhough I had the cyst, I was very nauseous then (actually threw up) and had the same symptoms as now, and about 2 weeks before that I was told to have a bladder infection, with the same symptoms (I am rarely ever affected by bladder infections, something I can count on one hand, is how little I have had that in my life). I do wonder, could this have been lingering since then and only now the appendix decided, listen, you are not hearing me clearly, so now I will show you that I want to get out...?? P??? Possible??? I was also nauseous over the weekend, so I think this has been something brewing for a while and just now got to the point where it said, no more, out I come!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
7 things...
Eve, gave me this Kreativ Blogger Award
Here are the rules:
1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award: THANK YOU Diva Eva!
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog. Done
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award. Done
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
* Up to yesterday I could still say I never stayed over in a hospital for an op (other than staying over with the birth, but to me that doesn't count) then everything changed in an instant
* I have though, never broken any bone in my body
* I play piano
* I am very artsy
* I can sew very nice if I may say so myself, clothes, curtains, bedding, whatever
* I went to a technical school, only girl in my class
* DH and I met at school and had a long distance relationship for 2 years before getting engaged, we have been ogether for 10 years this year. High school sweethearts.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
Nominees and links:
*Irene
*Joleen
*Melanie
*Melanie (Lilly)
*Mandri
*Jahni
*Tammi
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. Done in previous nomination section
7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated. Done
Here are the rules:
1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award: THANK YOU Diva Eva!
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog. Done
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award. Done
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
* Up to yesterday I could still say I never stayed over in a hospital for an op (other than staying over with the birth, but to me that doesn't count) then everything changed in an instant
* I have though, never broken any bone in my body
* I play piano
* I am very artsy
* I can sew very nice if I may say so myself, clothes, curtains, bedding, whatever
* I went to a technical school, only girl in my class
* DH and I met at school and had a long distance relationship for 2 years before getting engaged, we have been ogether for 10 years this year. High school sweethearts.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
Nominees and links:
*Irene
*Joleen
*Melanie
*Melanie (Lilly)
*Mandri
*Jahni
*Tammi
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. Done in previous nomination section
7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated. Done
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Some of our photies
Hubby and I were the photographers at a wedding 2 weeks ago and I thought I'd share some of the photies we took. (I trust you guys enough to share, without fearing it will get "stolen" in cyber space - lol)
Some of mine:
Hubby's:
Some of mine:
Hubby's:
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