Rejection

So.... I feel major rejection at the moment, I was in tears this morning and still not feeling too well about it... Since the op, and obviously with the night in hospital daddy had to give Josh a bottle for his morning feed (breastmilk) and he did for 2 days after (I tried lying down and breastfeeding, but Josh would kick me in the stomach), seeing that Josh only drinks from the breast in the morning there was no other time for me to breastfeed him again. So up to now I expressed and he got his milk in bottles. I only started trying again since the weekend, he would take here and there, but for the last 2 mornings in a row he would wake for his feed, I would try, he would scream, he would just-just want to latch and then let go. So in the end I have to give him a bottle otherwise he keeps crying... And then to top it off he drinks a mere 70ml before falling asleep again. Now for breastfeeding it was almost worth it to get up as I didn't know how much he drank and I could convince myself it was more that a pityful 70ml.

I feel so rejected, really. So for now, it's only about expressing, I always said I want to keep that up for a year, so let's see. I will keep trying, hopefully he will take again soon, I don't think my heart can take another morning like this.