Last day of fun.

After 23 weeks in the world (and 40 weeks inside me - so basically 63 weeks of me and him) spending time with my little one, seeing him basically 24/7, never having anyone else babysit so far, has come to an end... This is our last day together, just me and him, all day long.

Tomorrow he starts school!!! Even if it's just half day, I am near tears already and hubby isn't taking it too well either... He said he never thought it would be such a major thing, but it is. And although we have already been there and Josh is smiling to everyone and we know he has NO issue going to strange people, obviously we are the ones taking it the hardest. Hubby is taking a half day's leave tomorrow, maybe we'll go watch a movie or something, to keep our minds off this... And maybe spending some time just the 2 of us will be fun, kind of forgot how that feels like and we haven't had "alone" time in the past 5 months... Not that we "crave" it, yes, it will be fun, but we never thought we need it so far. Maybe we just got used to sharing time...

Back to Josh: He is going to be very happy there, I know it. It is the most fun place I have ever seen: "Prinsies en Prinsessies" the school is built like a castle, with the little flags on the corners and pictures of princes and princesses on the walls. High security, very neat and clean and the kiddies stay there from 3 months to Gr.0, so no moving to a "bigger" creche later and that means they will make friends that they will most probably go to the same school with in the end.

I still have a few things to shop for today that he needs to take with, but mostly everything is done. Just now to mark it all...

Ugh, the more I think of this, the more I want to just NOT do it, but I know there is no turning back now, fees are paid, he is starting tomorrow... And then, 2 weeks from now, I am back at work. YUCK!

OCD???

So, Honey inspired me with this thread on OPM yesterday which totally turned into something else I think... It was about something you can do (a talent) that nobody knows and turned out to be everyone's OCD's. (Which I think we all have, in some sort of form, even if you don't actually know it's an OCD, we all have SOMETHING)

I am listing mine: (This post will be added to, as I think of more)

* I have to hear a click when I fasted Joshua's poppers on his clothes, no click = then I will unfasten it and fasten it again, so that it makes a sound.
* I have to sleep with curtains closed shut, as in, not even a crack open allowing light to come through, even if I close my eyes and turn away I won't be able to sleep, because I know the light is looking at me.
* Even the PC or radio will either be switched off or turned away so I can't see the damn light, but the little flickering of the monitor will keep me awake.
* I have to take a sip from the coldrink that I make before handing it to the person (yip, they don't see it)
* The toilet paper MUST hang from the back, I will freak out if it doesn't.
* I have to sleep with closed windows (the ones I can see and will know of during the night - if I am at someone else's place), I will close every window in the house, no matter where I sleep, too bad for the people who's house it is...
* I have to sleep with something over me, even if it's just the sheet, no matter how hot.
* Colourcoding, blue caps on blue bottles, red caps on red bottles... Etc.
* Things HAVE to be in the perfect, equal to both sides, spot on the wall, I will measure for 45 minutes to get the spot up to the mm before hubby can drill the hole.
* I have to have my ear covered by either the duvet or the sheet at night, otherwise I can't sleep.
* I sometimes find myself counting the amount of chews per swallow, if it ends on an odd number, I will chew once more so that it's even.
* The same with drinking, when I get to the last sip of a coldrink and it's odd, I will sip twice on the last bit, no matter how little the amount left, just so it ends on an even number.
* I have tried, I can't sleep commando... If I fall asleep without some "undergarments", I will eventually wake up from it, get up and just put some on, could never master that art.
* I have to leave my teabag in my cup while drinking it.
* I always page a magazine from back to front first, just to see what's inside, then I start reading from front to back.
* I tap my toothbrush twice after brushing on the basin, don't know why, but always do.
* I drink water directly from the tap (yes, it might be gross, I can't do it any other way)
* I tap my soda can with my finger nails on the top before opening it.
* I can't suck a lollipop, I eat it.
* I always switch the light on when I go to the bathroom even if it's day time.
* I always fill the toilet bowl with paper before... you know.
* I have to wear a "full" panty when I go to bed - no strings for me at night, sad I know.

Muffin pan blues

Don't bake muffins without a muffin pan, what were you thinking woman??? (Me)

I ordered some muffin mixes and a pan, but pick n pay dropped off my groceries, yes I got lazy, and the muffin pan was out of stock, which I think is bull, I think the "shopper" didn't find it and marked it as out of stock... Cause seriously they are always there... Anyway, got my mixes and got my muffin case cups. Tried it with what I had, ended up with one BIG muffan!!! Interesting...

Diagnosis

Yip, I have Pharyngitis, mixed it together and beat till fluffy - with the cold and flu - and just to top it, a little icing a.k.a - bladder infection -, cherry on top! Serve with a cup of self pity and enjoy! Blegh! Off to bed!!!

Pharyngitis
Pharyngitis is a sore throat caused by inflammation of the back of the throat. Your throat may be scratchy and swallowing can be painful. Usually a sore throat is the sign of another illness, such as a cold or the flu. Unless you have a bacterial infection, taking antibiotics doesn't help a sore throat. In fact, most sore throats go away on their own in a week or less.

Signs and Symptoms:
The symptoms that accompany a sore thorat can vary, depending on what the underling illness is.

Sore throat with cold
•Sneezing
•Cough
•A low fever (less than 102 degrees)
•Mild headache
Sore throat with flu

•Fatigue
•Body aches
•Chills
•Fever higher than 102 degrees
Sore throat with mononucleosis

•Enlarged lymph nodes in neck and armpits
•Swollen tonsils
•Headache
•Loss of appetite
•Swollen spleen
•Liver inflammation

Sick....

Going to the doc at 14:15, have a terrible headache, ears are buzzing, head wants to explode from all the buzzing, sore throat, runny and stuffy nose, glands are swollen in my neck and to top it all I think I have a bladder infection or something of the sort.

Pity party please!

Have been drink med-lemon for 4 days, doesn't work, and pumping vit.C...

Have 5 tasks to finish before, LATEST friday as at this stage it doesn't seem that I will attend the workshop on Thursday and Friday in Midrand for my studies, although it's okay, didn't attend the previous one either, then Josh was sick, and they didn't say anything, so.... We we we

Hope to feel better soon...

WTF!!!

Directly taken from OPM (with minor adjustments and an update), as I have been contemplating how to write this, I still feel kak, but things seem to go better...

"Ok, so, the solids thing, he LOVES it, eats cereal in the morning, veggies in the afternoon and fruits in the evening. His milk took a back slide which I was a bit worried about, but I always made sure he got milk FIRST then solids...

And he ate like a champ, finished a purity 80ml sized serving in one go...

Took him to be weighed today (21.4 weeks), 6.49kg's, 66.5cm, head 41.5cm
BUT, and this is were the k@k came in, at his 16 week weigh-in, he was 6.45kg, YUP, you guessed it, only gained like 40g!!!! At 16 weeks he was 63cm and 39cm head, so he has grown, but not as much as I would have liked, the nurse is not too concerned, he is still healthy and all, he is strong, alert and all his other thingies is on track, but I am in stress mode here!!!

She said the cereal in the morning is fine, but I should stop with the fruits and veggies as it has no nutritional value at this stage of their development, it's mainly for taste and texture and to teach them how to eat... And it makes him fuller, so he isn't as interested in milk then. And I know milk is the no.1 priority at the moment... Sigh...

I should give him supplementary feeds, mix, to start with to get him used to the taste, half breastmilk with half formula just in the mornings (with his cereal) and again in the evening and he must drink more on the breast (reason why we need to cut the fruits and veggies for now)

I feel so KAK! I was so sure he was fine, well he is, but you know what I mean, I expected a little more gain with the solids and seeing that he LOVED it so much, I was fine with it.

I am sticking to the S26 Gold that I still have for now, to see how the mixing goes first and then I'll alter if he still doesn't want it...

Sorry, but I am feeling sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo super stupid at this moment."

**UPDATE**

I have tried mixing the breastmilk and formula, doesn't work, have tried formula on it's own, doesn't work, have shoved it in his mouth, makes himself puke...

My SIL bought me some NUK standard bottles in Washington as a gift from over the seas (in lekker afrikaans accent), but they are No.2 teats. As I have a complete collection of wide neck bottles and no.1 teats in all kinds of flows already, I didn't bother to replace the standard teats with no.1's, he will be in the no.2 range withing a month, then I can use that, it just seemed like a waste of money... Bless you SIL, if it wasn't for the gift, I would have never thought of this...

SOOooooooo... Out of pure frustration and desperation I tried those specific bottles and the no.2 teats yesterday... Uh hum, he drank it, you guessed it... 110ml and again 130ml at bed time...

So whatever, I am not even trying to figure out what it is with him, he drinks juice, teas, water, breastmilk, you name it from wide neck's, for some reason, he doesn't want his formula in wide neck's, I don't know, don't ask me. But apparently I was just as fussy, my parents had to drive from store to store for the specific cheap cafe dummy I liked... So.... Let's not go there.

So, in all, he is still getting cereal in the morning only, and 2 bottles of 120ml formula per day, the rest of the time he is still on the breast...

Problem solved, for now... Next weigh in - 3 September... Let's se how it goes!

Men.... **

I am a sucker...

For anything subcribe'ish, those little thingies that comes with the magazines and is all candy coated and has got blinkies and nice thingies to it. Free gifts, subscribe now... Bla bla bla... I am on the brink of joining leisure books... (I am actually keeping my cool on this one) But I want it all.

I have done:
The art of calligraphy (halfway through I stopped)
Art course (completed)
Treasures of the earth (ok, still in primary school and made my parents the suckers here and also stopped about halfway, how interesting can a rock be, really?)
Dinosaurs (also primary school)
Bugs (again parents = suckers, because I nagged)
Oh, and I have done "Astrology" which at that stage (high school) was just "cool" and I only later realised it was a bit dodgy with all the tarot cards and crap. I didn't know much about the spirit world (Christian) at that stage and didn't know that these things are actually really bad ass, so I burnt it all... Good riddens...

And now, I have started for Josh, I have already subscribed to the disney book club (just to start early) and have already got 10 books (well, because I was a member when I was younger and man, those stories are awesome, no?) and now I have also done Arthur, a.k.a "Funny bones" from deagostini: http://www.deagostini.co.za/funnybones/
This 1.1m skeleton that you build monthly with all the goods: brains, eyes, lungs, skin (I think), heart and what nots. Because? Because, I am scared that when he is at the age where he would want it, it would no longer be available. Sooooooooo.

I am getting him all this stuff to keep for ONE DAY, ONE DAY hoping he might be at all interested in the human body for one and interested in something that might possibly be lame at that stage. As the recommended age is 8 and up!!! Ya, shocker...

Ag I don't know, maybe I am getting it because I like it, after all, I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger, things just didn't work out... I am fascinated by the human body and all, so maybe it's more for me. I just can't wait (8 years from now) to build this freakin awesome skeleton with him... It's gonna be fun!

The shite is going to hit the fan!

After YEARS of contemplating and walking in to do it, then only to phone my mom and ask if I should (because I know myself better and hearing her say no I shouldn't - something I already knew - just made me feel better) I finally did it. I applied for a credit card. SHITE!

I am an impulsive person, heavy impulsive, not even a R10000 clothing account will freak me out, I don't know, I just worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Now, I shop and spend and buy what I want and "be-happy-in-the-moment"... Eish, maybe a lifestyle change will be good. But now, I have this THING, and I am already making plans. I will just have to keep myself organised and only use it for the initial purpose I applied for it in the first place. **Pick n Pay online shopping** Ting ting ting!!! My newest discovery and a marvelous one indeed, what is better than picking everything online, paying with my now BRAND new card (as I don't want to use hubby's everytime and then have to pay it back to him bla bla bla, just toooooo much schlep) and have them deliver it to my door the next day. Heaven I tell you, heaven...

I am already setting up my "shopping cart" for the end of the month, just have to send, authorise, pay and get it delivered when ready. Love it!

It's MINE!!!!

WTF! I NEVER thought I'd see this day, yes there are some others on facebook that I share the name with (but so far I am the oldest, so I WAS FIRST), but it's no one I know personally and have never met.

Now this girl I went to school with decided, "well, let's name my daughter Monzelle..." She wasn't even my friend that I spent time with after school, just a random girl I know from school and spoke to and stuff, but we never took it outside the school grounds... Now look, I am flattered, with a topping of rage at the moment. If I decided to name my girl Jahni (only one I could think of that is not just ordinary) or something out of the ordinary and I KNOW someone with the same name, I would ASK first. Did she ask me? NO!!! (I would have said yes, but I don't want to be randomly informed just via facebook statusses, I want to KNOW these things!)

She was probably just like, "hey hubby, I've got a name: Monzelle", "oh" he'd say, "where did you hear that?", "just heard it, random, some (SOME!!) girl from school" I WASN'T JUST SOME GIRL!!! I was unique!!! It's MINE!!! You should ask me first!

Ok, maybe I am over reacting and if I could copyright my name I'd copyright it SO fast it would make her head spin, but I HATE this, I don't like having people use MY name, my personal blueprint to who I am, my uniqueness... MINE MINE MINE!!!!

Ok, I feel a bit better now, this might seem strange, but I am strange like that. What's mine and what makes me unique is personal... Ugggghhhhhhh!

I always had this stupid idea in my head that because I can't find a meaning to my name, I would create one, I would live my life so that one day when they try and find a meaning to the name, I would be the example of what it should be... I would give meaning to it... And now, it has become ordinary...

First post...

What to say? I decided to start this blog for myself. Seeing that the other blog is solely dedicated to my son and his cuteness, everything he does, all the milestones he achieves and just his general awesomeness that makes him him. I love him to bits and he is the best thing I have ever "done/made" got as a gift from God, cause that is what he is. He was already "ordered" and his coming re-assured in 2006, our pastor told us we would have a son, when the time is ready, but that he was already there in spirit (I imagine him floating aroung looking down at us and just waiting for our que to tell him to come down from heaven, drop his wings and come and fill our lives) He is my angel, He is my first born, He is my best achievement.

Seeing that that blog is only dedicated to him, I don't want to bombard "his space" with my personal feelings or moments. So this is why this space was created.

Let's start...

I had a horrifying dream last night, I spoke to my girls about it already and seems some of them have experienced the same thing, but it still makes it horrifying. I dreamt that I was pregnant (I am thinking YIPPIE in my head) and that I went for my first scan. Getting to the gynae's room I was lying there and she (I don't even know who she is as I have never been to or ever even seen a woman gynae before) She did a scan and was kind of unattached (as I suppose they all should be) quickly checked, not even a minute, said, oh well, it's a blighted ovum, the next thing I remember her saying was cut, I felt a teeny tiny cut on my cervix which hurt like hell (don't even know what that was for) and she gave me pills to bring down the pregnancy and cause a miscarriage. I cried, I cried so much I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I woke up with a startle and I was sobbing, that dream was SO real and got into my very core. I have read so many stories of people suffering miscarriage and struggling with infertility and it is hard to see/hear/read of them going through that but you never really know, cause you haven't been there. Well, even if this was just a dream, it felt real it felt really really real and it got to me. This was just a glimpse into it all and I was terrified, a dream made me almost crap my pants. I am emotional, I can't get it out of my head and I don't think I will shake that feeling. I am grateful it was just a dream though, but still it was enough to make me slightly see what those other ladies go through on a daily/monthly/yearly basis, they are strong woman, they are really really strong, I don't even know where they get the strength, well I know, but gosh, that takes humongous heaps of it to get throught something like this in real life. I can carry on and on, but I won't bore you...

I do think however, that I am totally obsessed with pregnancy and everything related, I don't know if that's wrong or if that's just me. I just know I am a mom and that makes me the happiest person in the world. Yes, being a wife, being my own person, having wonderful friends and a super amazing family, still having both sets of grandparents and a loving home, having a good job - although I dread returning to it in 5 weeks time - and being healthy and happy and being loved, having faith, loving God and knowing that He loves me too, all that, but to stand before a little person and KNOW you had your hand (or egg) in the pie while making him is the best feeling ever) Why not then long for that warm and fuzzy feeling again? Every time a wind passes in my intestines I miss knowing that it was a little flutter or a kick from someone you already love so much but have yet to meet. Every time Josh kicks my stomach from the outside I miss him on the inside, I miss rubbing my stomach, I miss chasing his feet around my belly, I miss everything. Maybe I am just still in the "baby-honeymoon" phase, if ever there is such a thing, well I just made it up. I am happy with being just a mom if that is what God intended for me, I am happy having children, I am happy. I just am.

Go figure, I creat a blog for myself and all I can think and talk about is my boy and everything leading up to him being here... I told you, I am just a mom...